How come when you decide to have a child you're never warned about the early onset of attitude? I expected attitude from Maddy when she's a teenager. I taught 2nd grade long enough to know kids can get an attitude with you when they're 7 or 8. I never in a million years thought my 4 year old could give me lip.
What do you do about it? We try talking and explaining. We use time-outs. We even pull out the occasional bribe. What works? I don't want to spank because I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not saying it doesn't work, and I don't condemn those who choose to do so. It's just not something I want to do. I've swatted Maddy maybe 3 times in her short life and each time was out of frustration, not because I thought about the punishment beforehand.
I know it's typical behavior for her age, but how do I teach her there are better ways to show she's frustrated? For example, this afternoon she was playing with some little friends from the neighborhood. At 5 minutes to 5:00, I told her that we would be going soon so she needed to finish playing. This was just to give her a heads up as to what was coming. At 5:10, I told her we would be leaving in 5 minutes and held up my fingers about this-----to show her that it would only be a short amount of time. (This is something she and I use a lot because she's still learning time concepts.)
At 5:15, I start picking up a few toys and tell her it's time to clean up and that we need to go. That's when the yelling started: "I DON'T WANT TO GO!! I WANT TO PLAY!! I'M NOT LEAVING!!" I tried explaining calmly that it was time to go, but that just led to more yelling. So then she had to take a time-out so she could calm down enough to listen. After that she started saying that she didn't want to go, but it was whining instead of yelling.
So...I did what I've been taught in teacher workshops and in parenting books. I gave her a heads up that we were leaving soon, I gave her a 5 minute warning, and I remained calm through it all. But there's still yelling and stomping and a stuck-out bottom lip from her that I have to deal with. It's instances like these that make me feel like maybe we're not strict enough or consistent enough. But at other times I feel like we're too strict and don't let her just be a little kid.
I'm not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. I don't like being yelled at and I don't like feeling frustrated with her. After all, she is only 4 and she's still working out emotions and feelings and trying to figure out what's going on. She doesn't understand time limits or why she can't play outside all day long. And sadly, one day she'll be grown and I'll probably wish for times like today just to have my little girl back.
4 comments:
I hear you Marie! Consistency is definitely key(I learned that with teaching too). What has worked for us with Caroline is not letting her be surprised by the consequence of her misbehavior. She does "A" then "B" is to follow and she knows it beforehand. After a few times of that, she catches on. I know you don't want advice....You are a wonderful mom, but days like this example make you want to scream!! Hang in there:)
Im sure you are already feeling better...if your not...you will! Lots of hugs your way. No empathy though, because Kaytlynn nor Delaney, have EVER acted like that ;-)
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